Angela's weight-loss plan

Knowing that this is a multi-billion dollar industry, I plan to publish a book one day and make millions. But for now, I'll give you all a free, sneak-peak, abbreviated version of my simple weight-loss secrets (having lost over 10 pounds in six months myself).

• First, move far, far away from mom, grandma, dad, grandpa and good friends (no offense to them, but they are a bad influence, and usually good cooks). And especially far from your sister and her "share a dessert" ideas! And leave the grill at home, how many veggie burgers did you cook on that anyhow?
• Remove all but occasional access to any foods you really enjoy. And not just desserts either; I'm talking milk, cheeses, crackers, candies, Mexican food, fast food, sandwich fixings, pepperoni, ice-cream, beef, chicken, cereals, coffee, muffins, chips, pretzels, cookies, gummy fruit snacks, pizza, pastas and so forth. At least 95% of your current diet can not be available.
• If you're like me, and like to work out when you are stressed, lop on a hearty portion of stress. The weather is nice and the gym is close -- get to it! You'll take a lot of "let it go" work-outs and runs here.
• But if you're thinking of giving up this diet, it's not that the food isn't good. We have an awesome cook (what a bonus huh - you don't even have to make your food). But you do have to get used to not picking what you eat - just whatever you can find, or whatever is made up for you. Craving stir-fry? Tough! Enjoy your overcooked chicken and veggies in spicy sauce. Craving a simple Boboli? Tough! Enjoy your overcooked chicken and veggies in spicy sauce. Craving a brat on the grill and corn on the cob? Don't be crazy! Enjoy your overcooked mutton and veggies.
• Another important aspect of weight-control is portion control. This is much easier when you eat food of roughly the same texture, accompanied by rice and flatbread, pretty much EVERY day. Why overeat today, even if it is good? You get more tomorrow!
• About every 2-3 weeks, go through a bout of, uh, tummy trouble unlike anything you've previously imagined possible. Really painful stuff. The positive side of this is you'll become comfortable talking about digestive health. And as one expat put it, here, immodium is just the fifth food group. Or as I like to say, India is a natural laxative.
• A less talked about aspect of portion control is fear of your food. Given the above pattern, this is an easy one to get, and will make you think twice about that second helping!
• Actually, you might consider "going veg" also, as in vegetarian. I'll have to figure how to explain the view/experience driving by the, uh, chicken and meat stores. It's nearly indescribable, except to say, it makes you think about vegetarianism.
• Now if this diet has you out shopping for some pre-packaged imported food, don't worry. That won't kill the progress - soon enough you'll learn that after sitting on the dock in Chennai for a month, melting and re-constituting, and at 3 times the normal price, it's just not the same food, and not worth it anyhow. Eat your overcooked, potentially naseau-inducing veggies. Tell stories about the food you once ate like fisherman talk whimsically of that one time...
• Now, since you might not be feeling committed to this diet, once in a while a bag of peanut M&M's will show up at your desk, a casual gift from some visitor who didn't realize they were transporting little nuggets more precious than gems. And you get to eat the whole 1-lb bag. ALL of them. And don't worry or feel guilty, the diet still works.
• And doesn't that speak volumes of a diet, it works?!

Of course, I've taken to using safety-pins to hold up my pants. I've decided not to get them tailored - uh, just in case, for some reason... they start to fit again sometime in '08. It could happen. Hopefully the book is out before then.